#finals. idk if i can live w getting bad grades but i also need to give up right now LOL (im not actually going to like …………. i just am
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pumpkinsy0 · 4 months ago
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hello favorite outsiders acc ever, i saw you say you hc ponyboy with bpd on your mental health post for everyone. can you expand on your thoughts a little more? would love to hear them :3
heyyyy super cool anon whats uppp :33
AND IVE WAITED SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT THIS, THERE IS A GOD🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
i hope this gives u a general idea as to what i mean, and for anyone who realizes when say something wrong, pls do correct me about it i hope i portrayed everything correctly🙏🏽🙏🏽
ALRIGHT SO PONY W BPD
•allow me to preface by saying im not hc’ing 14 year old pony w bpd, its him when he gets older where it presents itself, if i remember correct, bpd shows its symptoms when ppl r like around 18 and into their 20’s??? around that time period is where it peaks, so this is more of an older ponyboy thing
•now as for how he got it, we can throw in obvious factors such as his parents dying, his friends dying, but one i think is swept under the rug a bit is that he pretty much has to be pretty worried about getting jumped or harmed somehow, its not like he lives in a safe area
•however even if u dont wanna believe that bit about getting jumped, bpd is typically associated w long term trauma’s but single event traumas can also lead u into having bpd, especially in ponys case where the deaths in his life happened pretty close to each other, so either way u flip it i think its pretty believable
•i think the first symptom he’d really feel the effect of first is that numbness, in the book its canon that pony constantly lies to himself and this is just one if the things he lies to himself about as he grows up, he tells himself that its just a passing thing or he just straight up fakes his emotions to not pay attention to that
•pony has a HUGE fear of abandonment, i dont think i gotta explain myself here its pretty obvious, however this does lead to him having paranoia about the ppl he loves dying, even disassociating for a while over it and he needs constant reassurance
•his disassociating leads to him missing a lot of time and not working on things he rlly should b
•when it comes to his self image pony just, doesnt know WHAT he wants, he doesnt have a clear sense of who he is, his values change, his friends change, he doesnt know whats going on w himself at all and he lays in bed a lot of the time just thinking about it
•going back to this feeling of emptiness, it causes pony to act impulsively just to cope, he smokes a lot, he drives recklessly, and he binge eats, and all this just complicates how he feels about himself which circles back to him not knowing what he wants from himself
•and then finally, pony constantly contradicts himself, for example, pony says he wants to build these close relationships, however he keeps pushing ppl that want to help him away, mostly bc hes scared that they’ll leave him, but then be has these moments where hes begging for them to be with him again but he pushes them away once again and its a weird cycle for him, and as soon as he realizes what hes doing he shuts himself off bc he feels like a bad person
•when it comes to his mood, i think he knows that he keeps on switching up how he feels, and bc of that after he goes through his mood swings and he realizes what he's done, he feels this sense of shame and then tried to just not talk at all just to “save himself”
•bc this is pony when hes older i could see this affecting his grades quite a but and that gets darry to get on him about it, and his relationship w darry is where that unstable relationship bit comes into play
•HOWEVERRRRR bc of how he responds to darry, that leads soda into stepping in to try and help but pony just feels like hes being laughed at????persecuted???? idk the word for it, but it makes pony feel worse so he can go from loving soda, to then wanting to not be around him within a few minutes, so his relationship w soda is where it becomes more obvious when it comes to unstable relationships
• now bc bpd and bp both have similar symptoms/effects on a person, and i hc angela as having bp, i could see curly recognizing the similarities between the two and he tries helping pony when he can, but at the end of the day, curly is one person and he doesnt know what to do, bc he doesnt have the resources available to help, he can barely help himself
•maybe curly got darry and soda to realize something was up w pony or somethin
gonna stop myself here bc i refuse to go on a yap sesh lmao
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angel-anachronism · 2 years ago
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Heyy How you doing? I wanted to make a request for Mischa Bachinski × reader where reader is like this popular but not mean kind of girl in town. Like everyone loves her and she's in every club she can and has good grades in school (which can be a problem for ocean), her friends'parents absolutely love her, etc. And like mischa and her don't talk to much, so he thinks she doesn't even remember his name. (Kind of like the song Gold Rush by taylor swift now that I think abt it? Idk).
The point is ofc she likes him, but she thinks he doesn't like her bc of his angry persona and all of that stuff (also what would people say if they saw her hanging out with someone with such a bad raputation?)
And when they finally clear things up and become friends they end completely falling in love w each other and have to tell each other at some point.
I feel like this is way too long and specific, so don't worry if it bores you or smth, ily :))
Hello! I'm currently very busy with school, but I'll still try writing oneshots at any opportunity I have! And don't worry, I love writing very long and detailed works, and I find it easier when the request is longer because I know what I need to write.
(P.S. In this fanfic, (Y/N) has two moms, which will be referred to as mama and mom, cuz I just felt like it.) (Also, they will appear in the next request too, so be prepared to see them again)
Also, sorry for not writing in a few weeks, I've been going through a long depressive episode lately, but now I've got the motivation to write again
(TW: None!)
Word count: 1,364 words
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Beauty and the beast (Mischa Bachinski x Popular!fem!reader fluff)
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(𝓨/𝓝)'𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥
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"The most loved girl in town" has been a Title that I've worn like a badge for most of my life. Ever since I was younger, I knew three things:
"Be friendly to others because you don't know what they're going through, be smart so that you can one day help others live a better life, and last but not least, be happy for making others happy"
At least, that's what my parents always told me, and I obeyed them. These rules have been actually helpful for me. Thanks to them, I am now known by everyone in town as being "The most loved girl in town", thanks to my personality.
I always help others when in need, and thanks to that, I've made a lot of friends. Yes, some of them have been fake to me, but I still have forgiven them.
I am also one of the best students in school. I've never got any grade below 79%, and I am also in every club in St. Cassian high school, including the school choir.
Speaking about the school choir, I am friends with a lot of people, even with my rival, Ocean. We don't hate each other, but we are indeed rivals in every class. After we get the scores on one of our tests, the one who has the lower grade needs to buy Taco Bell from my friend, Noel, and pay with the "loser"'s money.
Even if I have a lot of friends in school, I am not friends with one boy, who's name is Mischa Bachinski. To be honest, I would like to be friends with him, but I don't think he would want to be friends with me, a goodie two shoes.
I should probably try to become friends with him. Everyone has a good soul. There's no such thing as bad people. Mischa is just misunderstood, that's the problem, and I would like to try to break him out of his shell formed of anger.
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The next morning, after I woke up, I decided to make a little bracelet for Mischa, since I want to start a friendship with him, and there's no better way than to make a friendship bracelet.
I spent a few minutes making the bracelet, which also included his name, and I felt very proud of myself, yet I was still kind of scared that he might reject my friendship bracelet.
After I was done making it, I put it on my wrist, and then took my backpack, and went downstairs to eat together with my moms.
As I was walking downstairs, I observed the decoration around the house. There were seventeen pictures of me, going from up to down. The first picture was a picture of myself when I was one, and the seventeenth one was of me in the present. I'm not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that my moms are very proud of me. They always brag with pride about how smart I am to everyone they meet. Most parents even beg me to be friends with their kids, so that they can learn to be "better". Of course, I befriended their kids, but I never tried to change them. Everyone is perfect in their own way.
"Goodmorning, (Y/N)! How was your sleep?" Asked my mama. I looked at her and I smiled, as my other mom was making breakfast for us.
"It was wonderful!" I said as my mom gave me an omelet.
"Well, we're glad that you slept well!" Mom said as she sat next to mama and me.
I began eating as if there were no tomorrow, and then got off my seat and waved at my moms.
"Wait, (Y/N)!" Mama said as she walked to me, and pulled my sleeve up, to show the bracelet that I was planning to give to Mischa.
"Young lady. Who is this "Mischa"?" She asked as she smirked. I blushed a little.
"Oh, he's a boy in choir, and I want to become friends with him, so I made him this bracelet," I said, and both mama and mom smiled at each other.
"That's good, honey! Hope we can meet him one day!" Said mom, as both she and mama waved at me.
I waved back and then headed off to school.
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I have gotten to the choir and looked around for Mischa. he was indeed here, but he was sitting on his phone.
I walked up to him.
"Hello, Mischa!" I waved at him. He looked at me surprised.
"Wait, you remembered my name?" He asked. I nodded. "What do you want from me?"
"Well, I would like to become friends with you, only if you don't mind!" I said, and I took the bracelet off my wrist and showed it to him.
he looked in awe at the bracelet and extended his hand to take it. He took it so gently, it was as if he never got any gifts from anyone.
"Wow..." He said, and then looked at me. "You really had time to make a gift...for me?"
I nodded. He looked even more in astonishment at the bracelet. He looked like he wanted to cry, but he hid it behind the facade of someone with a "cool guy" persona. "Thank you, druh!" He smiled at me.
"Sorry if I seem rude, but what does "druh" mean?" I asked with a confused smile. He started chuckling. "Druh means friend in ukrainian." He said, still looking at the bracelet.
"Wait, you see me as a friend?" I asked once again. He smiled again.
"Of course! No one here ever gave me a gift, and you are the only one who gave me something even if we don't know each other very well."
He explained. My eyes sparkled. Then he added with a slight blush, "Thanks." I smiled brightly at him, and we continued chatting until class started. I just know that this will start a beautiful friendship.
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I'll never forget the day when I befriended Mischa. Since then, we've been like two peas in a pod, rarely separated. Even though I've only been friends with Mischa for a few weeks, I consider him one of my closest friends.
After school, Mischa waited for me outside, and we decided to walk home together. He held my arm, and it felt so nice…but also weird. It was like a tingle running through my body, and my heart started beating fast.
We talked more and more, while slowly getting closer and closer to each other. I could feel a lump form in my throat. Why was I reacting like this? Maybe it's because I had never felt this before. Was this normal? Or was I overreacting? I couldn't tell. Our arms were touching, which was weird. I didn't like being touched by strangers, and Mischa was definitely not the type of person whom I would willingly touch. However, I enjoyed holding hands with Mischa. We arrived at Mischa's house. "See you at school, (Y/N)" Mischa said with a saddened expression as he wanted to enter his house. I stopped him, which made him look back at me "Hey, Mischa," I began, "I actually wanted to ask you something…" "Yeah?" He replied, sounding slightly nervous. "I…I…really like you! I blurted out. His face changed completely, and he looked shocked. He looked at me for a moment. "Why?" He asked. "Well, I guess I don't know! I just found out today that I have a crush on you, and then I couldn't stop thinking about you!" Misha began laughing. "Well, (Y/N), I like you too." He said, smiling. "Really?!?" I asked as I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. But then, it happened: he hugged me. A hug from Mischa Bachinski. "Yes, (Y/N), I really like you too." He said as he broke the hug. We stared into each other's eyes and smiled shyly. This relationship will truly begin like any cheesy romantic comedy.
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𝑅𝑒𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑔 >> 𝐿𝒾𝓀𝑒 (𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈)
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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 10 months ago
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HI ARI IM SORR Y FOR SPAMLIKING U BUT HOWVE H BEEN ana do u have any yuki thoughts to share w the class i’m curious :33
NEVER APOLOGIZE RIKO u can spamlike as much as u want <3333 I’VE MISSED U how have u been?? what have u been up to?? :33 tell me tell me 🎤🎤
uni has been eating me alive a tiny bit so i haven’t had much time to catch up on my tbr which depresses me T_T OTHER THAN THAT I’M DOING GOOD THO and wahhhh…. yuki 🥺🥺🥺 my beloved. tysm for asking riko AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC that One yuki fanart of yours…. i just about collapsed when i saw it riko u drew her sooo gorgeous …….. women w big beautiful warm brown eyes >>>>>>>>>> Anything Else BUT OK yuki thoughts!!! i don’t think abt her as often as i should but i do have a couple hehe >:33 i love her!!
(jjk manga spoilers under the cut!!)
ok so first of all; i know i’m entirely delusional but idc i STILL think she’s coming back. i believe. i’m akutami’s strongest soldier. i just think it’d be so perfect if she swept in with todo and larue <33 ready to kick some ass <333 i know i probably shouldn’t trust gege too much but i trust him to handle his women decently . like he isn’t nearly as awful as some other shounen authors and i’m tired of people acting like he is …….. the bar is in the lowest layer of hell to be clear but still!! i believe in her return <333
i just think her final line is so so so interesting, and it’s such a specific choice to let it go unfinished…. ”it all boils down to…..” idk i just feel like she’ll come back and say the full line >:33 and it’ll be the coolest line ever also sidenote but i love the panelling here SO much the way her own words are getting DRAGGED into the black hole….. this is my favorite jjk fight overall btw it’s my most beloved ever ever ever none of u will see me again when it gets animated
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and!! this is also in connection to this fight but kenny/yuki is one of my absolute favorite dynamics in jjk <333 i think it’s soooo funny how the two characters kenny seems to like most are yuki (beautiful stunning intelligent ruthless special grade woman) and takaba (silly little guy :33) I LOVE THEM SM i need them to live together. i need them to be best friends 4 life. i need to see them all interact so bad it’s never gonna happen but i would literally do ANYTHING riko….,, i adore all three of them <33333 my angels on earth
but honestly i just think yuki and kenny are so interesting….. any time they talk i just feel like they’re two scientists discussing their shared area of interest like there’s so much animosity but also a mutual understanding, it makes me oddly happy for some reason??? and obviously there’s also the fact that yuki is the kind of human being that kenny loves the most; someone who never ever gives up. even as she’s literally been teared into halves, she uses her last strenght to create a fucking black hole despite the risk and i can’t even imagine how much respect kenny must feel for her after that??? yuki & yuji are both the same in that they’ll get up again and again, no matter what, and i think that’s why both of them have a special place in kenny’s heart. yuki/kenny is toxic yuri to me idc i adore them like nothing else. they’re so funny!!!
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but kenny aside, i really do think yuki is such a wonderful character. she’s just Everything. she’s so intelligent, so powerful, so all-consuming. such a perfect example of what a special grade is like. i really love the fact that she isn’t necessarily always on the Good side, she has her own ideals and goals and sometimes they conflict with what the good guys want. but yuki still desires a world without curses, at her very core, and i think that tells us so much about what kind of person she is!!
AND AND AND AND ANDDDDD arguably my favorite thing about her is how beastcoded she is. LIKE. she is a Beast and she’s gritty and she’s ruthless and she bites and bites & this is exactly how i think powerful shounen women should be depicted. akutami underutilizes his women for SURE but he still treats them with respect in the sense that their strenght doesn’t have to be justified, their bouts of insanity and pure instinct don’t need to be justified, all sorcerers are a little sick in the head and that statement goes beyond gender. yuki is a tiny bit insane and we love her for it <33 JUST LOOK AT THESE PANELS WAHHH she’s the coolest ever
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”heal yourself!” ”hell no!” is one of my fav pieces of dialogue in the whole manga <33 god i love yuki vs kenny vs choso SO much… three bad bitches duking it out <33333
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greydiminishing · 10 months ago
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Jan 20, 2024
Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.
I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.
I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).
I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.
And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.
All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/
But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.
That was academics, now onto my roommates.
I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.
They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.
Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.
I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?
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pepprs · 3 years ago
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i literally wish i had exams. exams you can study for and bullshit in your short term memory and it doesn’t matter how much effort you put into it and it’s just over at the end and yeah sometimes there are trick questions or freewrites and it would never be in a subject i a good in but like…. I just can’t write anymore fucking papers i just can’t. i am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so tired
#purrs#what if… get this… i ran away under cover of darkness and started a new life and my professors failed me but it didn’t matter because i was#free as a bird. or… hypothetically… i find the nearest land mine and step on it (sorry) (i know) (yes) (yeah) (i know) (i know) (sorry)#wish i could like….. erm hrm hehehm… not to say this but i wish i could you know but like only for one aspect of my life because literally#everything else is so good or has the potential to be it’s just the thought of waking up tomorrow and having to write essays makes me w want#to *** ** *** and *********. very good fucking thing im seeing my counselor tomorrow but idk how much that’ll help bc i still have to do#finals. idk if i can live w getting bad grades but i also need to give up right now LOL (im not actually going to like …………. i just am#feeling very do not want to be alive in this particular part of my life for one miserable millisecond longer. my head feels like it’s#swollen 3x the size and full of broken glass stabbing into it#suicide tw#sorry. like i don’t actually mean it i am fine but i also am not fine but im fine in certain ways and also yeah this is kinda new for me but#also kinda not and idk what to do but i actually am fine i mean it i am just sitting calmly and i need to order groceries and tmrrw im gonna#buy sushi and eat polenta and bagels and dates i think. i have so much to live for and i love being alive but this shit makes me spiral or n#not even spiral but like SINK or cave in or whatever sooooooooo bad. so so bad. and i can’t do anything but push thru it and im not strong e#enough and it’s SO stupid and entitled but the fact that if i had just sucked it up and graduated when i was supposed to i would’ve graduate#d with highest honors and now im mentally very very bad and have had a lot of phhysical setbacks and grades don’t mean anything and won’t#mean anything but now idk if im gonna graduate with any honors and i didn’t go in wanting that or tryi for it but the pressure to maintain#it is unbearable and i just can’t do it anymore <- dumbest reason on the planet to feel ***** ****** but here i am. and ive never told a the#therapist abt feeling this way sometimes idk what Megan is gonna do but im scared lol but it’s fine. like ok genuinely i need to shut up but#i actually am fine i feel mentally awful but the only physical thing im gonna do abt it is stay up late except im posting this and then#going to bed. im ok like actually. and at this time next week i’ll be thru it one way or another and i’ll sit in my clean room and write in#my new journal or paint something or make music and it will be the best thing in the world i just wish i could skip this week and go there#delete later#food#ask to tag#long post tw#also i think i might be getting another ear infection bc it hurts on the inside and i forgot to buy my mask headband bc of this stupid shit
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slaygentford · 2 years ago
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I listened to every Beatles album in order so you dont have to and kept this record as I did. no one asked me to do this and honestly idk how I arrived at it it just sounded interesting after I exhausted the platters who I didnt think to record like this. also im at the point of school where you dont get homework anymore and I miss it so I made a report.
these are graded on a curve, that is, the ratings of each album are calculated in relation to the other albums. prior to this endeavor I had only heard the big beatles songs like in movies and on Wii rockband.
please please me: 3/5. highlight: twist and shout (sorry). lowlight: baby its you. thready ass vocals. leave it to people with talent with the beatles: 3/5. aesthetically identical to prev. highlight: you really got a hold on me. lowlight: please mr postman. why the fuck would you cover this. youre signing up to fail a hard day's night: 2/5. highlight: things we said today. lowlight: sadly, a hard day's night beatles for sale: im gonna keep it real. this sounds identical to albums 1-3 to me and I feel exactly no emotion about it at all. largely inoffensive. 2/5 help!: 3.3/5. highlight: help! killer bass. lowlight: the riff in I need you fills me with a burning, indescribable rage rubber soul: here we begin to experience the epic highs and lows of The Beatles discography. high highs: Norwegian wood and girl. low lows: literally everything else. 2/5 revolver: 3.5/5. these bitches finally woke up! highlight: I'm only sleeping, for no one, Eleanor Rigby is worth the hype, I want to tell you, tomorrow never knows. lowlight: dr robert -- flop attempt at satire. also whatever that one guy was doing to that poor sitar sgt pepper's: I came to a rude awakening when I realized that the wall would not exist without sgt pepper's. humbling. that being said, 0/5. I hated every single second of this. magical mystery tour: epic high following last album's epic low. 5/5. strawberry fields has a BASS DROP??!?!? no skips. I love this album. its such a time capsule as well of like one of the weirdest years in history. i can listen to this album and experience how my parents felt at 16. the callback to she loves you on the last track. I get it the white album: I dont get it. this album tested me like nothing else. I began to flag. I began to question the honor of my quest. I almost shut it off after nearly every song. but let me say: the highs are sweeping. SWEEPING. happiness is a warm gun. blackbird, Helter Skelter, while my guitar gently weeps, back in the ussr, revolution (which is satire which I just realized)... however, the lows are LOW. glass onion is bad; Julia is actually unlistenable (I broke and skipped it); wild honey pie is like getting a transorbital lobotomy; birthday has undone years of my therapist's work vis a vis suicidal ideation. Im so baffled by this I almost want to exclude it entirely. instead I calculated its good song to bad song ratio which landed the album as a whole at a solid D+ (69%)! but that seems like its ignoring the good songs which for any other band even ONE of those would be the song of their career. emotionally the experience was not unlike a bipolar mixed episode. 1/5 yellow submarine: this one was a movie soundtrack. something it has going for it is that it isn't the white album. 4/5 abbey road: yeah. 10/5. I cant even be flippant about this. you live a whole lifetime listening to this one. fine. let it be: set myself up to FAIL with this one. my dad was about to turn 18 the year this came out, which I only bring up because this is the only one of my dads beatles albums I kept. so of course I listened to the record and cried through let it be like a bitch. I like all the studio talking noise. 5/5 for sentimentality
rating overall: 43.8/65, about 66%. but I dont vibe w that honestly. I had a great time doing this and discovered some great music. I also cant ignore their historical significance and the insight it gave me into my parents' youth, which is probably the most interesting thing about the beatles. I choose to recuse myself from assigning a grade and instead, on a pass/fail scale, pass them.
reflection: they were so prolific in 10 years with wildly varying results, but it makes me feel like we need to all create more haphazardly and throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks instead of being so precious about it. because honestly, a monkey at a typewriter with that kind of output WILL eventually write something good. I also think it's the kill baby Mussolini principle in that even if you killed baby Mussolini there would still be the sociopolitical situation which gave rise to Mussolini. so if The Beatles never formed there would've been other band/s who evolved with the upheaval of the 60s who would now serve as this cultural touchstone. but this is what we got and thats quite interesting I think.
takeaway: I cant listen to another beatles song for at least 2 calendar years
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im-like-if-a-girl · 4 years ago
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*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!
I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.
Let's start with
Plot
Season 1
Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."
The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.
The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.
It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.
Okay, now let's move on to the first episode
Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.
I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.
HOWEVER
I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.
Y'all know where this is going.
Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)
But
Now onto
Characters!!! (And descriptions)
Dean Winchester
Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair
Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.
He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.
Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.
(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)
Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.
It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.
Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.
Sam Winchester
His hair gets longer in every scene he's in
No jk, but imagine
King of Microaggressions
Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...
It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!
He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)
Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*
Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.
Jess
She gets to live beyond the first episode
She is also trans
No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜
She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.
She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam
No jk!!!
But imagine....
She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.
She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.
She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.
She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.
Castiel
He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.
I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.
He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*
Claire
She gets pink hair
And more time with Cas
And maybe a nose piercing
Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes
She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.
She deserves it.
Jack
I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."
Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.
Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.
This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.
It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.
It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.
(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)
Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid
Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager
Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.
Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.
But Jack is a child and should be a child.
Kelly Kline
Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.
Eileen
SHE DOESN'T DIE
SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.
BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!
She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.
John
J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.
He's dead.
We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.
He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)
People who get to say "fuck" on the show:
Cas (but only Once)
Jody
Bobby
Now onto other things
I want more of
Ghostfacers
(they need more screentime because I love them)
Dean/Benny
We know they had a thing.
They definitely had a thing.
Demon Dean
Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.
Dean's Bisexuality
Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself
You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?
Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience
He will get to have relations with men on this show.
Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.
We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?
Okay, glad we're on the same page.
Dads
3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.
I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)
Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.
"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."
Garth
Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.
I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.
Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.
I love Garth.
Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???
This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???
KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????
Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.
Tamara from season 3, episode 1.
And of course-
Cassie
She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////
She gets to be a badass.
Religious imagery
As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."
Fun episodes!!!
Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes
I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)
So anyway
In my version we would have more fun episodes
I'm thinking
GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!
(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)
An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner
That's it, end of post.
I want less
Racism
Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)
Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...
Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????
I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-
Okay we won't get into that but
Still
Stop killing all your POC
Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters
I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but
One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie
Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.
And also Claire
Charlie Bradbury Superiority
Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.
British Men of Letters
I fucking hate these guys
They're "litcherally" the worst.
The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.
And you can tell
Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.
tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.
@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse
Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.
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olde-scratch · 4 years ago
Text
So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...
and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.
PART 1
“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die
“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-
“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-
Are they twins?
(Me tuning out to do something)
“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”
Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-
[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]
yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-
“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-
“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-
“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-
why they all got the same face-
haha funni meme
“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.
Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?
“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]
“[get him to] eat your apple”
[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-
why does he suddenly have a knife-
“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”
“Technically, you are seven years old.”
???????????
the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH
[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun
PART 2
[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-
how many camp camp references can i make during this
Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?
“meal.”
“meal?”
meal????
Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?
well he’s Dead
[debating if I should read the backstory}
n a h h h h h -
Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???
oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg
Is he an antagonist?
HE WROTE A BOOK???
oh now i want food
ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY
“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-
man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro
string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-
o no he found the memes-
BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-
kim there’s people that are dying-
is SHE an antagonist?
quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?
“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?
Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-
“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-
PART 3
“you’re real, oliver.”
aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-
“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong
so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-
“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens
“are you winning?” says the capitalist
why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????
“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.
looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)
your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.
eat the apple.
is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh
“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-
yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP
“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”
me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore
“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-
ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-
UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -
“oliver”
I  F O U N D   I  T -
WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-
oliver. eat the apple.
“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.
NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.
im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?
wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-
waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-
are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or
“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-
“How are you feeling?”
“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”
mood
“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction
HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US
WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-
[upon reading the description] so i was right.
wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-
PART 4
wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-
appol
“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago
there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-
“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.
Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-
[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????
[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT
i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-
[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice
i hope she rejects you /j
WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE
ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-
HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-
bro get out of the road ull get hit
how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-
so
wait
hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?
IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR
wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?
i should have watched the ba-
oooo dramatique
they’re in a time loop?
nope thats a new powerpoint
wait so theyre,,,, no-
wait-
nvm-
IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-
“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-
oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????
“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-
is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation
WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-
“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-
yep hes gonna show the apple
ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back
the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It
all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing
“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.
quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he
YOU KILLED HIM
NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE
oliver is v relatable
wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-
lemme hear that explanaton again-
is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls
“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood
did hills murder quinn
is your family the jasper cult
TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic
“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO
The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver
he is Not Good
ope-
wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up
I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-
ew get off the floor
butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?
“We already know what the future looks like!”
aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-
to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)
YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF
BINGO BABYYYY
get what what
what mapped-
awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse
you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr
ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS
she draggin that seven year old
a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-
Jasper
the food shortages-
bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart
imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird
what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals
THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-
KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO
ooohhh there’s context for that
OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO
w h a t -
w  h  a  t  -
W   H   A   T   -
Conclusion:
it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT
if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh
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yarrowleef · 4 years ago
Text
Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)
Darkness Within Spoilers, obv
UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS
Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)
Ghost fleas lol
Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )
Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable
BACON AND EGGS
Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)
Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)
Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well.  (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK)  Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )
This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it
Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)
Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur
*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)
* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)
End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.  
 But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING
Final Notes:
*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk
 any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it
*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that. 
*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.
*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.
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tothestarsandbackmoved · 3 years ago
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Ummm... Since evening when i read ur ans... The ans about 13-15 yo not being old .... It kinda resonated .... I mean... 14 yo me stopped doing what they wanted to do and waht they were good at.... 15 year old me? A fking disaster. Idk what happened. Ruined myself at everything. The covid and lockdown came down and i just .... Let me waste myself. What hurts is how i know i could've done better but I didn't. How i KNEW i was wasting my time and didn't stop myself. How i witnessed my destruction but i didn't stop. Still am a bit into that (but am a teensy bit optimistic now)
How did u get better? How did u get break free (if u had sm bad shit going on like this.) ? How did u save urself?
hmmm while i am by no means an expert on this, i can mayb help u out with finding yourself again
the thing w me between ages 13- 15 was that i was definitely not a 'bad' person but i definitely lost touch with things i grew up with. sometimes i read old texts to friends and i feel like i was rude & insensitive to them, or people I should've let go of even before i did. i couldn't recognise myself with what i was talking about then, but if it's any consolation I know who i am now.
at the time i was sure of what i was doing but in hindsight i should've listened to ppl around me. here's a few things that might help you. a) ages 13-15 and the months around it are usually when u rediscover yourself. you find that you're no longer a child and you have more responsibility and at the same time you don't have that much freedom. people you've grown up [esp ur age group] are changing and u can get a little lost. i did. and it's okay. b) idk if you're on the spectrum but something important i realized in 2019 was that im bisexual. and that actually changed everything. People's relationships with their sexuality is always different but u need to find it by yourself.
at the time i wasnt a generally happy person either, and i was definitely the pessimist & cynic. but then one day one of my best friends lent me a book called optimists die first and it actually fucking rewired me. now that may not be the book for you, but i do believe you'll find it
about the pandemic self destruction thing. i think i wasted myself too. my grades hit a new low. i gave up on a sport i practiced. abandoned hobbies and the like. but to me it was also a time where i discovered the things i actually care about. things i can't live without. i got better and better at the drums. i could finally give my friends as much effort as i always to. my best friend i now talk to for atleast an hour every night. i have long long text chains with another friend. i found tumblr, a group of people who are genuinely so nice, especially @more-like-reyna and this wouldn't have happened if even one thing were different. yes i gave up on hobbies like reading books and spent more time in media consumption but i did get closer to my sister, learnt a lil bit of baking with my mom. it was a time of sudden and drastic change, and it still is !! but u don't have to feel guilty about what you're doing.
yes you can do better ! and you will ! just hold on tight to people u love and have hope about life !
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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago
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Survey #451
“taste the waste of their god’s grace & spit your hate upon your young”
Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? A shitload of people. Do you like to go to the farmer's market? Yeah, sure. What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be? Probably black. What's your favorite melon? I don't really like melons, actually. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :( When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? Literally every day. Seriously. It's funny, I dread fighting to sleep at night, but I also just want it to be time to sleep so time will pass. My life is just so fucking boring that I just... wait for something exciting to happen. Name one person you've never had a fight with: Tez. What are you currently listening to? "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment. What would you rather have: cat or dog? I prefer cats. Who is your least favorite person in real life? Probably my sister's husband. Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really? I'll sometimes watch live let's plays. Does your house have security cameras? No. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I'll be dyeing it. What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened? I'm not sure. What soundtrack do you listen to the most? Silent Hill 2's, definitely. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I don't know if it's really a secret, but I didn't know until this year that my dad did some really dangerous drugs before us kids were born. Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you? Yes. What’s something you like to have many options to choose from? Food, ha ha. Feels great to have a full kitchen after a grocery trip. What’s the strangest decorative object you own? Nothing "strange" to me. What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now? One biggie is having a baby. I just... could not imagine. My life would plummet. What’s been your proudest moment? Graduating in the top percentile in my high school graduating class. What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen? Omfg, Sausage Party. That movie was so gross. Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals? Thankfully, no. I don't even think I could befriend someone who doesn't like animals. Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts? No. Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal? Yeah, like me with whale sharks. Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer? Not really, no. Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills? Amy Lee's. And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand? Yeah, such as Bob Dylan. Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf? Tui T. Sutherland, but only because I read their series Wings of Fire. Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? I'm sure on Facebook at some point. Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? Does the freezer count? If so, this Healthy Choice grilled chicken pesto bowl I have in there. I am like addicted to them. Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? I don't know. If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? It varies month-to-month. Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? I had my Markiplier tattoo essentially redone by a better artist. I also plan on getting my "ohana" tat covered, as well as my "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" one (I adore the quote, but it's not an original design, which I don't like having anymore), and I want to move and redesign my "perfectly flawed" one because I want a bigger tattoo in its location. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind? Yeah; I'm pretty sure I like-like my friend Girt now, something I was never entirely sure about. When was the last time you did something on a whim? *shrug* Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Well, I guess both, but Dad didn't do a lot of the teaching part about life and stuff. Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No. Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’ Yes. Colleen tried that with me and Girt and only succeeded in making us very uncomfortable. She said something I wanted to slap her for that I won't repeat. What is your card game of choice? Magic: The Gathering. What is your favourite books series? I think my favorite series of all time was the Shiloh trilogy. I adored both the books and movies. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? You'd better give me landmarks, ha ha. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Of course. What was your favourite gym class moment? There're such things as GOOD gym memories in school? Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yes. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No, I always thought it was very flattering that they even wanted mine. Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie? The Phantom Virus one. I had the video game as a kid, too. Could never beat the damn thing. Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down? No? I don't like seeing children - or anyone - fall. Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past? So, this really only happened once, and it was coincidentally the day I learned of her pancreatic cancer, but before Mom told me. I had an assignment to interview someone of an older generation about how various sources of media affected their lives, like the development of TV and such, and she really got into it. It was very interesting to learn about. Do you have a crush on someone? I guess I do idfk. If so... what does his/her name begin with? "D." What attracts you to them? More than anything, the fact he's been there for me without fail. Both single and when I was with Jason and he was interested in me, he's just... been there and has made an effort since high school to be in my life in one way or another. Do they know that you like them? Not anymore, no. We dated for a few months, but I broke up with him because he felt more like my brother, so I would assume he doesn't think I do. Maybe he still is family to me. I really don't know what I feel. If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? I might at some point, idk. We just haven't talked in a while. Name two people that you miss: Jason and Megan. Have you ever seen Titanic? When I was in the hospital, yes. Everyone was crying, lmao. Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I would. When was the last time you had a stomachache? Now. Mother Nature finally visited me after three whole fucking months and is v angry. What's going to bed early for you? Like 7:00. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Of pets! Human kids ain't for me. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Hell if I know. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes. I got Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? I did on my second dosage. I was OUT of it the day afterwards, but then I was fine. What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself? I need new bras badly. What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? It's called "Not Just A Pet Rock (Python regius)" and is a group for advanced ball python husbandry. It is very informative, but I will say there is a SHITLOAD of very rude elitists. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? NO because it's a PANCAKE and I want CAKE. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? I personally think so. When Sara visited and we were trying to go to my older sister's so she especially could meet her, Ash entirely ignored Mom's messages. I know her homophobic husband well enough to nearly be able to guarantee he didn't want us coming over because the kids "don't need to see that." Ash kinda does what Nick says, so... you know. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I know I'm happier with pets. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. What’s your favorite way to curl your hair? It's too short to do that. At what age did you start swearing? However old I was in 7th grade. What is something you physically can’t do? Clean up vomit lkdsjal;sdkjfa;lkwd. I can't clean up my pet's or even my own. I literally can't. My mom has to. What do like better, apples or oranges? Apples. I don't like oranges. Around the holidays, do you hope for snow? Yes!!! What are your top two favorite bands? Ozzy Osbourne and Metallica. How many people do you 100% trust? Like two. Maybe. Do you care what others think about you? Way too much. Has anyone ever called you a bitch? My grandmother has. Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger? Omg yes, I was obsessed. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat? No. Not because I don't want to, because I do, but I would have an extreme protein deficit if I did that. Besides meat, I don't like enough protein-rich foods. Have you ever had a rolling backpack? Yes. Did you make any money today? I haven't made any money in a very, very long time. I'm only ever paid when someone hires me to take pictures for them. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? I don't know. Definitely not very high. Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Yes. What was the last souvenir someone got you? I have zero clue. Do you have a favorite remix of a song? Hm. Perhaps this techno-y remix of "Psychosocial" by Slipknot. I don't know for sure, though. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Either the violin or piano. Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Nope. Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)? Probably clouded leopards aesthetics, but I think lions overall. If you had $500,000, what would you do with it? Pay off school debt as well as help Mom with various financial issues, buy new glasses, buy Mom and I a new house and car, get Venus a great tank with all the optimal supplies, get LOADS of tattoos, donate to various charities, adopt a few specific pets, travel to Yellowstone, get laser hair removal on my legs and teeth whitening... There are a lot of possibilities. Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? Just scaly ones. :') "First loves are never really over." Is this true for you? Yeeeep... Did you like Michael Jackson before he died? I didn't really have an opinion on him. I know/like a couple songs, sure. What are some things that would make you break up with someone? If they became abusive, started doing drugs, acted arrogantly, didn't understand my mental conditions and were unwilling to be emotionally supportive, stuff like that. What was the worst breakup you've ever had? Ha, the one with Jason. For. Fucking. Sure.
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shadybagelsludgecolor · 4 years ago
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Last Words to My Love [Gn!Reader x Spencer Reid]
A/N: This is inspired by a tiktok chain I saw so please bare with me. Also I'm really not good at heartbreak writing so..... this is this and yeah. WOAH wrote this in an hour
Summary: Reader is on borrowed time after being fatally wounded. They say their goodbye’s with Spencer. 
Pairing: Reid x Gn!Reader
Rating: sad but sweet.
My [short] masterlist can be found here.
Warning:  Idk , Death, angst, murder, cursing, sad ending. 
Word Count: 1.3k
Today was the day Spencer lost himself. The day it was all too much. The day the weight on his shoulders finally broke him. It was the day Spencer lost you.
-
The day had gone by fairly quickly, the unsub was [thankfully] very predictable. You had caught up to him really fast, thanks to Spencer’s amazing geographic profile, and your ability to decode the messages the killer left behind. As you approached the apartment of Sheila Jacobs, the latest victim, you took caution. Something didn’t feel right. Then again, you’re approaching a serial killer with a hostage; how was it supposed to feel? Hotch signals the team to begin their silent entrance, and guns aimed, you entered the apartment.
“Jared Anderson? FBI. Drop the weapon.”
“Don’t move. I swear to god I will shoot her. Stay back!”
Holstering your weapon, you begin, “Jared? It’s alright. We don’t want to hurt you. Let Sheila go and we can work this out.”
“You think that’s fair? After what she did to me? All those years in high school? Nuh-uh. I don think so.”
He had a far point. This Sheila girl was, according to Garcia, a Grade-A mean girl. She and her friends, all of which now dead, tormented Jared all throughout high school. Of course, that doesn't excuse murder, but your heart slightly ached for Jared.
“Look, Jared. I’m with you. Sheila really is a bitch.” You knew what you were doing and so did your team, which is why they allowed you to continue, hands in a position of surrender, hoisted in the air.
“See! That’s why she needs to die!”
“No, Jared. She doesn't. She needs to live. Think about it! Think about what all the news channels are going to say! You will finally get to be the victim Jared. Nobody is going to feel sorry for the bully. She practically brought this on herself. Let her go so we can show the world how fake this woman really is.”
Hoping that this worked, you study Jared’s face. Of course, you didn't mean any of this, but Jared's fantasy has blurred the lines of reality, and now all you had to do was play along.
You see Jared’s face soften as he begins to surrender. He let’s sheila go, and she runs behind you, probably into the arms of Tara or JJ. You reached for the gun Jared held, when suddenly he jerked his arm away, aiming the gun right in between your eyes.
“Wait. You lied to me. I can see it in your face.”
“Don’t do this Jared.” You heard Derek say firmly in the background.
“What? You mean this?”
Two gunshots. That’s all it took. One from the revolver Spencer carried, and one from the handgun Jared possessed.
Your side felt warm. Rubbing your fingers over the area, you felt pain. A lot of it. Your bloody fingertips only confirmed your theory; you'd been shot.
The rest was a blur. Bouncing in and out of consciousness, losing so much blood, your head pounding, your side throbbing, the screams of your team calling for an ambulance.
This might just be it, you thought, my final moments.
“Hey. Listen to me, okay? I need you to stay awake for me. The ambulance is a couple of minutes away. Stay awake for me and for them okay?”
You felt your body lift off the cold ground. Your turn your head.
“Spencer.”
“Shh. Shh, it's okay. I’ve got you. Just stay with me, okay? Stay awake sweetheart.” Tears were streaming down his face as he attempted to flash a comforting smile at you. He had never called you that before...sweetheart. You liked the sound of it. It sounded much better than ‘Agent’. You tried your hardest, you really did, to stay awake.
You know, maybe the darkness isn't so bad. It’s warm there. Let me go there.
“Hey. I said stay awake.”
The bright white of the ambulance severely contrasted that of your beautiful darkness. It took you a second to adjust but once you did, you saw Spencer. The beautiful agent stared down at you. You wish you could tell him sooner, you thought, how beautiful he was. He needed to hear that. You wish you had the energy to tell him that now. He needed to hear those words, even if they were your last.
“I love you” you managed to croak out.
“Hey, hey. I love you too. Save your words okay? Talk to me when you’re recovering.”
You could tell by the look on his face that it was hopeless. You were too far gone. Nothing could save you.
“It was always you.”
“W-What?”
Damnit. If you weren't so weak, you'd tell him everything. You’d tell him how you had looked forward to going to work if it meant seeing him. You'd tell him that his big brain amazed you and that you blushed every time he would ramble about some irrelevant fact that only he seemed to know. You’d tell him that at times, you'd dream of kissing his soft, pink lips. You’d tell him how sometimes when you felt lonely, you’d hold your palms together, imagining they were his. You’d tell him that you loved him and that he was pretty stupid for a genius to not see it. You wish you could tell him everything, but you couldn’t. Your words, much like your time, were limited.
Somehow, someway, Spencer understood. He understood what you meant. He took your hand in his, tears incessantly leaking out of his eyes.
“The thought of loosing you makes it bard to breathe. I wish you could stay. I wish you could see how much I need you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish I would've told you sooner. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Its okay. In another life” You knew Spencer didn't believe in this, but maybe you would. These thoughts comforted you in this sad time. 
“Visit my dreams, would you? Find me again. I can't make it here without you.” He was sobbing. He lifted your hand to his face, your skin feeling the cool tears that streamed down his cheeks. You were slipping away, you could feel it.
Before you could finish your last “I love you”, the darkness consumed you for the last time.
-
It had been almost a year now, since your departure. Your team missed you. Your sad picture hung on the wall of fallen agents, and not a day went by where they didn't look at it and miss you. You missed them too. You wish you could've said goodbye. It hit Spencer the hardest, however. But healing takes time. Spencer missed you, of course, but he knew you wouldn't want him to sulk around. You'd want him to look for you. In reality, Spencer never really believed in the reincarnation theory. For some reason, you took his “If science can't prove it, it isn't real” mantra and threw it out the window but the slightest bit of Spencer knew you would come back for him, and you did.
You came in his dreams. Whenever Spencer really needed a pick-me-up or any form of encouragement, you would tell him the exact words he needed to hear.
He knew you were there through your smell. Throughout the day, Spencer would smell vanilla, your favorite scent. The warm tones of vanilla always seemed to calm him, as he was reminded of your beautiful face.
He knew you were there by the clock. Whenever he’d get a random urge to look at the time, or whenever he just simply needed it, you'd always be there. 11:11, 2:22, 3:33, 5:55. You were there with him.
Spencer was at comfort knowing this. Hopefully one day you'd come back to him through someone else, so he could finally say the things he needed to say. So he could finally say, that he’d been in love with you for so long.
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lavenderlattaes · 5 years ago
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txt as high school au tropes
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⇒ summary: txt in a high school au setting.
⇒ [ high school! au ]
⇒ pairing: txt x reader
⇒ word count: 2.5k words
⇒ genre: fluff
⇒ warnings: cursing, mentions of fighting, parties, making out
⇒ note: hello,, yeonjun’s cover got me so emo last night that i knew i just HAD to finish this so i can finish the bad boy au i had started writing for him sksks. Also i only had a bad boy fic planned for yeonjun, but if you guys think i should write for the other members too, please send me an ask! ignore mistakes bc im a bit of a blind bat and enjoy!  \ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ/
choi yeonjun:
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↳ the bad boy
YES.
C’mon guys, this is badboy!!!! Yeonjun!!!!
okay, so yeonjun’s definitely the leather jacket wearing, motorcycle riding kind of badboy
the one that gets into all the fights (ง’̀-‘́)ง
the one that smokes and drinks and punches his way around bc he cannot, for the life of him, control his emotions and feelings ‾͟͟͞(((ꎤˋ⁻̫ˊ)—̳͟͞͞o
he’s also hardly at school
but on the rare days that he’s actually at school, he’s always punching someone or he’s all bloodied and bruised
like,,, dude do you wanna die N O W???
the first time you met was at the nurse’s office
oh wow i wasn’t expecting that
the nurse wasn’t around but you volunteered there frequently, so you were the only one there
the door opens and you’re surprised to see someone you’re not familiar with??
he wasn’t wearing your school’s uniform,,,
who is this dude and why is he heRE
but he looked like shit and like he was gonna die
so even if he may be part of some sketchy gang
you had no choice but to patch him up pspspsps
he was covered in scratches and bruises and his lip and eyebrow were bleeding
ffs man
you told him to go sit on a bed while you went around looking for all the supplies you needed
yeonjun was being a lil shit too, bc he wouldn’t cooperate right away but eventually after threatening him that he might die if he was being choosy about who’s gonna patch him he gave in
so you started to patch him up and he was just
s t a r i n g 
like 
⊙﹏⊙
D U D E
he’s really attractive if he just wasn’t into fighting all the time y’know
girls still occasionally wanna try “breaking his badboy rep” 
all that cliché stuff
you get really conscious under his gaze and then he asks for your name and you ask him what happened instead psksks
he goes (◕︵◕)
so you give him your name fAM AND HE SAYS, “I’m Choi Yeonjun”
pspspspp
and then he tells you that he’s friends with two other choi dudes who are also really well known in your school
and then it hits you
HE’S THE BADBOY EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT
damn y/n you’re so lost fam 
lmao so he does go to your school but you’ve never seen him before????
you finally finish patching him up and you wrap his knuckles in a gauze and his arm as well
hIS ARM HAD A HUGE ASS CUT btw
“what kind of fight did you even get into?” (´・(´・(´・(´・(´・(´・д・`) ・`)・`)・`)・`)・`)
“the kind where I almost die???” ( ̄ω ̄;)
eye-
after getting him all patched up, you take a good look at him and whew he’s all better now
he doesn’t look like he’d die any minute 
then you smile at him like (✿◠‿◠)
AND HE SAYS 
“I like your smile, can I call you sunshine?”
PSPSPSPSPSPSP
yeonjun’s about to leave when you’re still bothered by the large cut on his eyebrow
“Wait!”
you pull out a cute rubber ducky cartoon band-aid from your pocket and place it on top of the cut sKSKSKKS
after he finally leaves and says goodbye, yeonjun suddenly can’t stop thinking about you
and maybe, just maybe, you can’t stop thinking about him too.
choi soobin:
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↳ the rich kid
okAY so remember how badboy! yeonjun was friends with 2 other chois
Well duh who would those other two be (●´ω`●)
so soobin’s the riCH KID!!
like, he be drippin in finesse yo
(okay that was bad)
he wears gucci, channel, louis vuitton, armani, all that shit
tO SCHOOL
jk you guys had uniforms
but there’s always something expensive on him
whether it be his shoes, or his bag, or maybe a ring
AND EVERYONE LIVED FOR RICH KID CHOI SOOBIN WEARING HIS ROLEX 乂❤‿❤乂
but he isn’t exactly the friendly type (๑◕︵◕๑)
he’s the quiet one out of the three of them and he always keeps a straight face
\|  ̄ヘ ̄|/
Like that ^^^^
despite having literally no emotion on his face whatsoever, his lips always seem to be upturned in a pout ksskskksks
and despite his cold personality, that doesn’t stop the girls from swooning over him lol
so,, y/n you’re a pretty clumsy simpleton
dID I JUST USE SIMPLETON
and you somehow,,, idk 
the world hates u
you accidentally bump into him like really hard when he was adjusting his precious Rolex on his wrist and the collision caused his Rolex...to...fly…
basically you broke his watch.
sKSKSKSKSKSKKSKS DUDE
Y/N YOU BETTER RUN AWAY NOW FAM
and everyone that was there was like :000
And soobin is just ( •̀ω•́ )σ
And you’re ಥ_ಥ
but he just sighs, picks up his broken watch and slips it into his pocket and walks away as if nothing happened
HNGGGGG o(╥﹏╥)o
you’re so guilty that you started to come up to him everyday asking how you could repay him and if you could,,, you know,, pay for it in six months time or some shit
and after a few days soobin’s had enough of you following him around
and ( ̄ー ̄)ノ
“can you stop annoying me? It’s an expensive watch, you can’t possibly pay for it”
wOW OKAY :///
“But i feel really bad for breaking it...( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ )”
so soobin decides to make you his “servant”
and you know it’s stupid ,,, just bc he’s rich as hell doesn’t mean he can treat you like that
but he wasn’t giving you any options so you had no choice
you followed him around now and well, somehow
you got to know the real choi soobin hiding under all that expensive clothing and jewelry
the choi soobin that built his walls up so high that no one saw except his other two friends
and now, you.
choi beomgyu:
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↳ the heartbreaker
YES CHILDREN
THIS BOY
steals hearts left and right
or: also known as the fuckboy
skskskksksks
he slept around and girls always fell victim to his charms
aside from the fact that he was just really really good looking and handsome and gorgeous and-
he was also really friendly and funny
you’d see him at parties all the time, and sometimes with soobin and yeonjun too 
there’s always a random girl on his arm too lmao
beomgyu’s never brought a girl to bed more than once before
it’s always just making out for like hours and one night stands here n there
and flings here and there
never had a serious relationship ever
and all the girls at school are fighting to be the one he decides to “do” more than once
(・_・ヾ
i mean,, who wouldn’t want to be the first girl choi beomgyu ever fucks more than ONCE 
but you just can’t seem to share the same sentiment with the other girls at school
shouldn’t they be fighting over who gets to be his first serious girlfriend or sumth? the girls in your school r weird tbh
besides,, you’re too busy looking for new memes or something and aren’t fuckboys supposed to be the type to do one night stands anyway???
but you know, you’re the mc in this world y/n
and you caught beomgyu’s eye bc he’s always noticed you on your phone laughing at something or bopping your head to some cool new song
he can’t stop smiling every time he sees you do that
BC YOU’RE JUST SO CUTE AND OMFG IS CHOI BEOMGYU CATCHING ACTUAL FEELINGS
and get this,,, beomgyu’s never been the type to be all shy and flustered bc that’s just so not him
but then you get partnered up for a project and suddenly you’re approaching his desk with a bright smile on your face and 
sKSKSK heLP HIM SOMEONE P L E ASE
“hi! I’m y/n!” you extend your hand out for him and he just
ฅ(*°ω°*ฅ)
seeing beomgyu all flustered makes you giggle and he breaks out of his trance and goes back to his old self
“Hey, y/n. Let’s have a great time together(づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ”
so that’s how you and beomgyu become friends
even after the project ended you still hung out and you even became somewhat friends with yeonjun and soobin
you sometimes went to parties with him too
and whilst beomgyu fell deeper for you
you remained clueless as ever
you just thought it was him being friendly and stuff bc that’s what he does
what you did notice though
beomgyu hardly made out or slept with anyone at parties now
he hung out with you and played games with you and with soobin and yeonjun
and he didn’t usually go to parties now if you couldn’t make it!!!
and everyone can clearly see how much he LIKES?? LOVES?? you 
so yeah, maybe beomgyu’s gotten rid of his fuckboy ways bc of you.
kang taehyun:
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↳ the valedictorian
name a smarter guy in your school than kang taehyun. Go
jk never gonna happen HE’S the smartest
literally breezes through his subjects like it’s nothing
idk how it works for you guys but in my school, we don’t have GPAs and stuff but anyway
he has like, an average grade of 99 (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ (and that’s a 4.0 GPA right????) 
PSPSPPS WHAT THE HECKITY HECK
and all the teachers love him ofc
he doesn’t have to sit in front to be THIS smart
he can sit at the back row and be all emo with choi yeonjun if he wanted to and he’d still ace a test
h o w ⊂•⊃_⊂•⊃
and not only that
he’s got a really good voice?? he’s in choir omg
no,,
he has the voice of an angel ★~(◡‿◡✿)
he hits high notes like how he breezes through his subjects
he’s the type of guy you bring home to meet your parents after one (1) date bc they’ll love him anyway
aND if he could get any more perfect,,,, he’s captain of your football team AND class president
AND I SAY WHAT
yUP
kang taehyun best boy _へ__(‾◡◝ )>
and you?
HAH
you guys are a match made in heaven
you’re his vice president, and while he’s in choir, you’re part of your school’s journalism club
plus, you’re smart enough to go against him but you like slacking off lmao
also
“you have all the glory in high school tae, i’ll kick your ass in college” PSSPPS
And if taehyun’s the captain of the football team, you’re captain of the volleyball team just bc
goals? I think so too (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
but sigh,,, yunno
as smart as taehyun is, he’s a bit dumb when it comes to matters of the heart
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME WE CAN CALL KANG TAEHYUN DUMB!! BECAUSE!! HE!! CAN’T!! SEE!! HOW!! MUCH!! YOU!! LOVE!! HIM!! (;¬_¬)
you’ve always loved him, but you realized it only when you guys won the science quiz bee the year before ⊂( ◜◒◝ )⊃
basically, you’ve loved him for more than a year now,, sigh
and you’re just trying to find the right opportunity to confess
wHEN BOOM you suddenly remembered you’re on the school paper!!!! ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒
v-day is right around the corner and since you’re editor in chief, you decided that it would be nice to have a lil fun in preparation for the event
so you got the whole school dropping anonymous love notes for their crush!!
and the club went around pasting them on lockers for the students so they don’t risk the chance of getting caught pspsps
totally smart idea huh !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
all for the sake of confessing your feelings for your best friend.
hueningkai:
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↳ the popular guy 
this boi
loved by everybody
and i mean everybody
even yeonjun and soobin who seem like they don’t give two flying fucks about anything
like literally everybody wants to be his friend !!!
there’s nothing people have to hate him for honestly
he’s in choir with taehyun 
he follows no crowd bC THE CROWD FOLLOWS HIM SKSKS
“hey, kai!”
“ey, wassup! I like your top!”
(▰˘◡˘▰)
he’s a cute babie too oomf
the girls that aren’t swooning over yeonjun or beomgyu or soobin are definitely swooning over him
(with taehyun they’ve lost all hope bc they know his best friend’s the only one that’s supposed!! to!! stand!! next!! to!! him!!)
kai’s also really sweet and nice to everybody,, and i mean everybody
he talks to everyone, even those emo kids who sit at the back row
and even they can’t resist smiling :) 
he’s that kind of popular guy that’s really preppy and fun to be around
he’s the type to help girls carry their books, or help guys plan on how to ask their crushes out
everyone knows a lot about him bc he doesn’t hesitate to share and talk about his life bc he literally has no trust issues whatsoever
not in a bad way, tho!! he’s just really honest n stuff
but
the one thing that everyone doesn’t know about him is that he can play piano sksk ♫꒰・◡・๑꒱
they know he can sing, but they didn’t know he played piano like???
he’s never brought it up before
but one time you find him playing the piano in the music room
you’re in the art club and you guys usually stayed behind after school to work on your paintings and stuff when you were feeling like it
and it just so happened that you were staying behind bc you entered into an art competition and you had only two weeks left to complete your painting
but lately you’ve been running out of inspiration and decided to clear your thoughts first before going back to your painting
what’s that beautiful melody??? 
【・_・?】
and it led you to him and you were surprised to see mr. popular in the room
(*゚ロ゚)
and you didn’t mean to, but the door was ajar and you push it open even further to hear the song better
DUMB MOVE
a chair was resting behind the door and it screeched on the floor spsps
Kai turned around and saw you
“oh! Hey y/n”
he stopped playing and you could see a faint blush on his cheeks ≧◡≦
“you play piano? i never knew” you decided to just step inside bc he wouldn’t mind right? rIGHT???
yeah,, if he didn't have such a big PHAT CRUSH ON YOU
“uh yeah, it helps me to clear my mind sometimes”
“i was taking a break too, i couldn’t finish my painting”
sKSKSK AND KAI FOUND THAT PERF OPPORTUNITY TO SPEND TIME W YOU BY OFFERING YOU HIS COMPANY TO GO AROUND
he’s always liked you, ever since you were lab partners for an entire year,,
you occasionally talked, but since he was on the more popular side and you had a smaller group of friends it was hard for him to find proper alone time with you
but life’s good to this baby and he finally got to spend his time with you.
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strxnged · 3 years ago
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HEYOOOO i'm back for a bit
im prob not going to be active this summer because i have a lot going on, but ill check in when i can!
i hope youre doing okay w the heat wave. i am absolutely dying rn, it was A HUNDRED DEGREES ASDFGHJKL. my fan has been on nonstop. the only reason im able to get through this is because i went camping during a heat wave once (like 90s all weekend) and our campsite didnt even have shade. so now all other heat waves pale in comparison to that time lol, im just grateful i get to stay inside w my fans. but it sucks not having an ac, we really need to get one soon.
do you have any summer plans?
i might travel to the east coast to visit my aunts family for a while, and im also taking this sports marketing course over the summer so i can get cte credits. im about to start act/sat prep too so thats going to be sooooo much fuuunnn (no its not, rip me). and i gotta start learning stuff for ib so im not completely lost when i start 10th grade lol.
also do you have any completed hq smau recommendations??
have you watched any new anime? i finally finished kuroko no basuke (its so good omg) and the promised neverland (it was good, but a lot of plot holes, imma read the manga to get the full story). now im watching banana fish (a lot of people are dying, im scared to get attached).
i went on a camping trip last weekend and they were playing volleyball, i apparently dont suck as much i thought i did. but i also learned that learning about sports from animes does not translate into being good at the sport lol. ik all about volleyball and basketball now and really want to play it but i have no skillz rip.
sorry for all the questions, idk when ill be back so i wanted to chat a lil.
sending the best vibes your way, darling <3
OKAY THAT'S FINE !! I'M SO HAPPY YOU TOOK THE TIME TO STOP BY YOU'RE WONDERFUL (and, yeah, same, life b things)
YEAHHH THE HEATWAVEEE it's going to be 41 C today whicH IS LIKE 105 F??? AND IT'LL BE HOTTER TOMORROW? anyways not vibing i can't survive over 20 C pls
ooh yeah the increased tolerence to hEAT AHHA hopefully i'll be better at surviving after this. but rn it is torture and we don't have an ac either pls we live in a place where we don't do heat here
SUMMER PLANS? well uh i'm being forced to help my mom move her mother out and into our house which is going to take up most of july -- OTHERWISE i would already have a job because your girl wants money and skills and experience. i also wanna take a course over the summer if the teACHER EVER EMAILS ME BACK??
bro yeah online courses (esp over the summer) are just PAIN because ?? motivation? we don't know her. UNLESS YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THEM. but somehow even then it's a drag.
oh yeah i don't read a lot of smaus because i find it to be sort of glitchy on my phone and i don't do a lot of reading from my laptop DSHWHAH IF I HAD I WOULD BE DUMPING THEM RIGHT HERE BUT NOTHING IS COMING TO MIND UGHJFg
pls i'm so bad at actually watchings things, BUT i just finished tpn too !! i really enjoyed it, it felt v fast paced and the characters and writing were great. it did feel a bit like there were things missing, though, yeah -- i don't plan to watch the newer seasons because A, they're not on netflix, and B, i'm lazy and can't finish shows :D
OH NO BANANA FISH I HAVEN'T SEEN IT BUT I THINK IT TRAUMATIZED MY FRIEND BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAIN SDHAHS
volleyball is genuinely so much fun, and i wish i didn't quit because i was intimidated by the commitment because it's just. a really cool sport. and i was, like, moderately good at it while i was on the team. or the other teams just sucked. klfsldfmalkfsd were you ever on any sports teams?
how to convey *clenches fists* how much i appreciate you coming and talking to me grrr ILY AND THANK YOUU YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND I HOPE YOUR SUMMER IS GOING WELL SO FAR
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some-creep · 5 years ago
Text
SERIOUS and OFFICIAL RE3 Creep Review
Resident Evil 3 Remake is a good and fun game that I have already dedicated more energy into than all of RE2 Remake.
However. We can’t leave it at that so here’s a stupid long post.
First off: This will not include any mention of the freebie multiplayer game bundled in, RE: Resistance, a game that I unfortunately like but also realize it adds absolutely nothing to the purchase of this game itself.
Second: I have no goddamn idea what other people are saying about this game because I haven’t even clicked on the steam store page to see the general review scores. I don’t have twitter, and I refuse to watch reviews. All I know is vague youtube titles I’ve seen in my feed. That’s it.
Third of all: Everything I’ve ever written on here is disjointed and confusing so buckle the fuck up.
Oh. And spoilers.
To start this story we must go back to everyone’s favorite year, 2003, when RE3 released on the Gamecube and I was in third grade. Watching my cousin play it when he stayed over was my first actual experience with the series. And Nemesis was, like, really fucking scary at the time because I was a child. I bring this up because as you all might know, I’m a bit of an obsessed weirdo sometimes. This is where it started for me, so RE3 is kind of a big deal for me personally. Conceptually, this game means kind of a lot to me I guess.
As a “remake”, RE3 does, like, a terrible fucking job at being one of those. This is flat out, just, not a remake. At all. It’s a re-imagining. It would be easier to count the things they included from the original over the things they cut, that’s how different it is. OG RE3 had like. Three environments. And the remake just straight up cuts one of them and slaps a different character in the other. Alright I guess. We don’t see Brad get killed by Nemesis, because that just… doesn’t happen anymore. Jill doesn’t go to the police station… at all even. There’s no missile countdown during the final boss fight which was my favorite part because it was like. I know it was just a glorified timer but it was much scarier to me than the self destruct timer? Idk for some reason the concept of a missile destroying the whole ass city is an idea that genuinely just kind of freaks me out to this day.
This will sounds very hyperbolic but the ending was kind of garbage. Mr. Paul I love my Wife Anderson did a shot for shot recreation of the original ending and I guess I was just expecting something like that instead we got. Not. That. I don’t know if these complaints are valid but they are things I’ve been thinking about a lot. Half that scene straight up just takes place in a map that is just an empty white void. If that after the credits scene wasn’t a possible hint at a Code Veronica remake I will riot. CV is my other favorite game (conceptually. CV itself is a completely fucking unplayable nightmare game).
There’s no helicopter fight. There’s no gravedigger. There’s no giant spiders. There’s one bonus costume. Hell, there frankly isn’t even a lot of Raccoon City at all.
I guess it is short. My first play through was 4ish hours of logged gameplay and 6ish hours of total playtime with cutscenes and nemesis chases which apparently pause the timer since they’re basically QTEs? This doesn’t really bother me like it does other people. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore. Everyone fucking hates that this game is short from what I’ve seen? Idk. (It’s no shorter than RE2. RE2 just seems longer since you can be Leon or Claire but their stories are basically identical. B scenario in RE2 Remake was a fucking joke.)
Buuut… I really, really like this game.  Carlos is fine. He’s in this game. I still don’t like him that much but he’s the best of the male sidekicks. Maybe I like him more than Leon. He isn’t offensive or anything I just don’t stan him as hard as everyone on here seems to. Mikhail is way, way better now. Love how he knows who Jill is. Nikolai has… good facial mocap I guess. He’s certainly in the game and is evil and Russian again so no change there. Tyrel is a character who does things and is in scenes. He seems nice. He’s doing his best. And then there’s Jill. Who got the best treatment of anything in this entire game. Not like, physically of course, her ribs are absolutely destroyed and her spine has been snapped several times after all of that shit they put her through in the cutscenes.
I loved, loved, loved the opening. So much. Jill’s apartment. Her nightmares. The fact her life is in shambles. I’ve gushed about this before but I genuinely loved how the game opened. It’s everything I could have asked for and so much more. It’s an idea I’ve toyed w/ before in one of the only finished stories I’ve ever put on AO3 and I’m so glad to see it acknowledged canonically. I just. Ugh. I loved it.
Everything she says is beautiful and perfect and sassy and sometimes angry and it’s just. Good. They let Jill say fuck and she became unstoppable. Also she at least still says the You want S.T.A.R.S. line. It’s way, way, way early, in a scene that makes no sense for it to be in at all. But she says it. And I liked that she said it. I’m easy.
That stupid railgun bullshit at the end?? I was streaming it live and just exclaimed “is this game even real???” because I was just so all about it. We’re all still giggling at “Bitch can’t even swim.”
It’s fun to play as Jill and do sick dodge rolls. I’ve gone through this game four times now, once on each base difficulty and again on Assisted with just the hot-dogger fire knife w/o healing. Sick dodge rolls make the game very easy if you don’t fuck them up. I always fuck them up. But, still. I feel like all the bits are there from RE2 but just better. I intend to go through the game on the other two difficulties. Wish me luck. I am frankly terrified. But I want to do it.
Two of the nemesis fights are just straight up identical though. Which is. Okay. Sure. Whatever.
This game only had two puzzles for reasons I do not understand. The subway puzzle was the hardest of the two. It is the first puzzle in the game. Arguably, it is the only puzzle in the game because it is the only one you have to think about for more than 11 seconds to solve.
When the credits play the new version of Free from Fear I genuinely forget every weird problem I have with this game because it’s just… so good. Once again. I am easy.
This whole thing probably sounds like more complaints than praise for a game I’ve put this much time into, and maybe it is, but it is easier to talk about about something bad about a game than to pinpoint what you liked. And I love to complain as we all know. This is horrible as a remake. It’s great as a follow up to RE2 Remake probably. I think plenty of people already disagree with that. But plenty of people like to just be wrong on the internet.
Speaking of RE2 remake why did Pale Heads return from.. the ghost survivors dlc of all the fucking things. That’s just weird. They were a weird inclusion. Maybe I’m not totally surprised something like that made it over but it’s still… weird. They’re fine as an enemy type. I just ignored them though.
I think that for me it is just enough to have good and fun characters that I enjoy. I just. Like how Jill is written. And honestly, that’s kinda just all I need. It doesn’t really matter to me that this game is something of a horrible amalgamation of vaguely borrowed concepts from the original game. Sure, the RE1 remake is great because it’s mostly completely faithful, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to do it. Re-imaginings like this can also be good. This one is good. It’s fun.
There are a strange amount of tentacles in this game to the point where I wonder if someone on the dev team just straight up had a fetish. Especially after you get the lockpick. That scene is. Um. Yeah. It’s in the game.
Is that really how I’m going to end this? Talking about the tentacle fetish?
Yeah.
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rezdogsyonder · 5 years ago
Text
Need (3)
Pairing: Professor!Rogers x Reader
Summary: The professor realizes just how mich he wants you.
Warnings: stalking, mention of blood.
A/N: This part will mostly be in Steve’s point of view. Kinda. I’ve decided reader wears glasses and idk why I wrote this, this way.
**********
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**********
‘Why am I doing this? I shouldn’t be doing this.’ Steve thought as he kept following her from a safe distance.
**********
He wasn’t following you at first; he stayed back in his office for probably an hour...or three. He didn’t keep track. He needed to turn in a book, a history book for revision, and comparison. He is writing his own book, telling what actually happened while in the Howling Commandos.
By the time Steve got to the library the sun was setting, and it was a complete ghost town inside. Only spotting two people on his way to his destination. One of them being a janitor. The top floor of the library is where he needed to go, it’s where the special collection is kept. Normally these kinds of books aren’t allowed out of the library, but being older than most of the books in their library has its perks.
Putting the book back in its respective place, and about to return the checkout card, that is when I sees you once more. Hiding out in the back corner, at a table that is covered in notebooks and colorful pens and highlighters. Looking so deep in focus, biting your lip, and flipping through papers only to turn back to your notebook.
Hair tossed up in a messy bun. Glasses hanging at the end of your nose. You look at little bit more disheveled than what he remembered from a couple hours ago. White V-neck t-shirt under a navy blue cardigan. You looked beautiful.
Deciding to stay, Steve began to look through more history books, encyclopedias, and records that would help with his little project. If he was going to stay he might as well get some work done too.
He sat at a table across a very long isle from you. A seat that made sure he could still watch you, without you seeing. If he had, to he could just scoot his chair forward and he would be out of sight.
Steve is there for another 40 minutes or so before he sees her putting all of her notes away. He quickly stacked everything and put it all in his bag, then walking out before she sees him. Waiting by the entrance for you.
‘Why is she out this late? Doesn’t she know this is a dangerous city?’
Then he realized. He shouldn’t be here, he could get fired.
‘Why am I doing this? I shouldn’t be doing this.’ Steve thought as he kept following her from a safe distance.
He was going to turn back, he really was, but she just seemed so vulnerable. How far does she live? ‘I’ll just make sure she gets home safe.’ He decides, but he truly know that now he’s hooked, and he’s not going to stop.
And he didn’t. He not only followed her home but he found out what apartment she lives in. First floor, not very safe, at least the windows to her home are high. Less of a chance of robbery. He also saw her roommate, he recognized her from the coffee shop. Watching her clean up her room Steve realized something.
He’s got it bad.
**********
He held himself back from following her again. Not really by choice. He didn’t see her at the library again. He also avoided the cafe she works at. Not wanting himself to get too close, too fixated. It has been three weeks though, and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep himself from you. Of all of his classes, yours was his favorite.
You have his class twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday. Both scheduled at 4:30. He has kept his distance and she has been nothing but a model student.
Steve needs a teachers assistant, and he thinks he’s already found her.
**********
The essays Steve had assigned are finally almost done being graded. Deciding to leave yours last. When he was done going through, your essay was nearly perfect. Maybe he was biased, but he really thought that you’re paper deserved an A.
A grade he rewarded to only six other people. He was going to write an A when an idea struck him.
He grabbed his red marker and marked the paper with a C, writing “see me after class”.
He smiled at his plan and quickly filed it into the bottom of the stack of essays to hand back as students began filing into his classroom.
It’s Thursday.
**********
You got to Mr.Lee’s class 15 minutes early as per usual. You like being a little bit more than punctual. This was one of your favorite classes to be in but to be honest you’d be glad when it’s over. Math made sense to you but it took work. A lot of work.
Last class, there was a test and you were dying to see how you did. Mostly because he said that this test will be just like the mid-term and a good chunk of the final. You tried really hard, going to the library more often than usual. Well, it isn’t a big accomplishment, you only go the the library once a week. For like 4 hours, but still.
You’re practically bouncing in your seat all class period, since the average score on the test for this class was 82% Mr.Lee thought that we can have a reward. It’s his top priority that his students are understanding his material, and that’s why you like this class.
We are currently watching a movie and those who wanted to leave could, but they would have to wait longer to view their score. You stayed because you worked too hard to wait any longer.
But finally the end of this class was drawing near, and Mr.Lee just checked his watch and was pulling out a big stack of papers. Trying to stay calm just in case your score was bad, and why did this class have to be so big?
He was finally get to you, and he set your packet face down on your desk. Did he put the other students tests face down? You weren’t even paying attention. Now that you have your test, you can leave the class.
Pulling out your phone you call a familiar number, “Wade?” You met him on you way to a book store last year, he actually saved you from being mugged when you thought it was a good idea to take a shortcut through a back alley.
“My common sense it tingling,” you hear him the material of his mask being moved around, “What did you do this time Y/N? Something that shows you’re intelligent I bet. That’s the main trope of your story’s character.”
“You know you don’t sense sometimes, but maybe! I took a test the other day and I’m scared to look. I was hoping a call to you would help calm my nerves.”
“Would an in person meet and greet help?”
“What do y—” you couldn’t finish your sentence before a body landed in front of you on the sidewalk. You let out a loud shriek, then you heard a voice.
“Holy fuck knuckles! That shit hurted.” And you realized who it was.
“Fuck I hate you sometimes.” You sighed.
“I’m hilarious so don’t hate. And that was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo,” he sits up at looks at you, “wanna kiss it better?” He says gesturing to his backwards foot.
You bend over and turn it back around, despite his cry of pain. Then you offer a hand so he may stand.
You looked down, “ah shit you got some blood on me.” It was only a drop, probably the size of a quarter on your white boyfriend cardigan. Wade pokes his arm and draws a smiley, using the dot on your sweater as an eye.
“Gross.” You smiled.
“Hydrogen peroxide will get that out.” You nodded and began unbuttoning it to take it off. Leaving you in your baby pink cami that was tucked into your high waisted back jeans.
“So... Wanna see my score?” You held out the packet.
“Ah... mhmm... yes.” He mumbled through his mask as he flipped through the pages. “Y/N I’m sorry to have to tell you this but it looks as thought you’ll have to drop out.”
You hit him, “Shut up, let me see.” You snatch it out of his hand before you finished your sentence. By it before you look at your score you smiled at him, “I guess your ‘inperson meet and greet’ did help.”
93%. You were struggling in that class and this will surely boost your grade back up. Squealing you jump at Wade, hugging him. He twirled you around.
“Celebratory chimichangas?” He put you back down and began walking, knowing you’d follow.
“Yeah actually I have roughly an hour and a half before my next class.” You said you you looked down at your phone. “Where should we go?”
“There’s this beautiful woman that has a restaurant somewhere that way.” Wade said point in a general direction.
You didn’t really believe him but two blocks in the direction he pointed was a small restaurant. You wouldn’t have noticed it if Wade hadn’t pointed it out. The lady that ran it was a sweet little old woman.
The food was great, and Wade was able to keep you occupied the entire time. You didn’t even realize how much time had passed before there was only 5 minutes before your next class started.
“Oh SHIT! Fuck IM LATE!” You scrambled pull out your wallet, but end up spilling everything. Wade starts to help you pick up everything that fell out, he stood up with five of your notebooks.
“I paid ahead of time. Sorry read ahead in the script. But let’s go!” He waved at the little lady behind the counter. “Goodbye, my princess.” And blows her a kiss.
“Come on we have to run, slow ass.” he starts pulling you to go faster.
“Jesus, I’ve never been late before. Oh my god.” Starting to get out of breath. About a block and a half closer.
“Really? Never would have guess that.” He says sarcastically. You two are back on campus, and you need to pass two more buildings.
“There! It’s right there,” you say running faster, you get to the front of the building. Wade hands you back your notebooks. You lean over trying to catch your breath.
“4:28. Why was it so important to be on time to this class?”
“Well turns out Mr.America is also Mr.Punctuality.”
“Cap is your teacher? I better skedaddle before he try’s to cut off another arm. Goodbye sunshine.” He taps your nose. “Boop.”
“Bye!” You waved and headed inside, going to the second to last classroom on the left.
You check the time again 4:29, you weren’t late. But it looks like the teacher is going to be. All that worrying for nothing. Not knowing that you were the reason for his tardiness.
**********
Mr.Rogers did show up for class but was about five minutes late. Other than that class went on like normal, you took your notes and worked. Used to the feeling of somebody staring at you, you didn’t want to know who thinking that acknowledging them will encourage them.
‘Wow she looks so adorable, pink suits her well.’ He thought as he watched her, but he began to grow angry as he realized that these boys were looking at his girl.
It was nearing the end of class, so he began passing out the essays. Saving yours for last. Today’s class was small, most students skipped his class once they realized that he wasn’t going to talk about Captain America or the avengers.
Once he got to you he placed your essay on your desk face down gently. He felt a little bad, turning around quickly so he didn’t have to see the disappointment on your face.
You forgotten about the essay, but you thought you had done well when you turned it in. You were having a good day, but this just ruined it. A big C on the corner of your paper. You felt tears beginning to well in your eyes but you blinked them away before they could fall.
You look at the clock and there is 2 minutes left, but the professor dismissed everyone already. You begin packing your stuff up, when you feel a little chilly. Sighing you pull out your cardigan and look at the smiley. Maybe you’ll call Wade again after this. You put it on hoping people will think it’s just a cute little design.
The class was now empty and you walk to the office connected to this classroom. It was more plain than you’d expect, and a lot cleaner too. Almost every other professor’s office you’d been to had been a complete mess. He was sitting behind his desk.
“You said to see you after class?” You say timidly. He gestured to the seat in front of his desk, and you take a seat.
“Yeah let me see that,” he holds out his hand and you lean forward to give him your paper, “I just needed to talk to you.” He crossed out the C and wrote an A right next to it, and stood up.
“What did you need to talk about?” You felt a little better with an improved grade, but a nervous pit in your stomach began to form. We’re you in trouble? He walked around and leaned against his desk in front of you, handing your paper back.
“I have been needing to choose a TA for the semester, and I was wondering if you would like to fill that position?”
“Oh my gosh really? I would love to! What would I need to do?”
He smiled, “Well, regular TA responsibilities like grading, tutoring or mentoring students if and when they need help, stuff like that.”
“Wow, thank you for this opportunity.” At this point you wouldn’t be able to stop smiling.
“It’s no problem. This job will suit you, I can tell.” He sighs and rubs the stubble on his face. “But, you will have to sign a few papers.” He slid walked back behind his desk and pulled a small packet out of his desk drawer. “This isn’t what you would sign with other teachers, but I’m sure you’re aware of my previous profession.” You nodded. “This is just protecting my privacy and it’s basically saying that you won’t do anything that would take away that privacy.” He slid the papers over to you, then putting a pen on top.
“Yeah, okay.” You didn’t read through it before signing, as Mr.Rogers just explained it to you. You put the pen down. “What now?”
Yes, what now? Steve thought.
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